I Love You +20 Years

20 Years ago on October 12, 1990 I got up the courage to tell my girlfriend of 3 months... "I Love You" But I wasn't about to be any ordinary schmuck!

My friend Tim Harris and I drove around town taking pictures of me in front of street signs to "tell a story" This was not the easiest of tasks because of course this was WAY before Google Maps much less the internet and GPS. Anyway, we went down town and took a picture in front of an "I Street" sign. I was wearing various items that represented who I was. I had a racket in one hand, shorts, a snowboard boot on one foot and a bible in my other hand. The next picture was in front of the street "Love Ln" In this photo I was wearing a black suit and tie and was looking at a white rose. "U" street was next and then of course "Rebecca Way"

Becky was at the Master's College that semester so I sent her a care package that included a little stuffed animal I called Melchizidek. There was a tape I made with the song "I L-O-V-E YOU by Take 6" as the main track. My intent was for her to simply thumb leisurely through the pictures while subliminally listening to the music in the background as were my instructions along with the care package. She is way too impatient and jumped to the last picture!

I didn't actually write the words in the letter much less speak them until I saw her that weekend of Oct 12. I invited her to assist me while I was teaching a seminar at the CLASS (Church Leadership and Sunday School) convention held at Capital Christian Center. I was the College Intern at Arcade at the time and my seminar was on how to lead a college Bible Study.

Funny Twist - Another gal by he name of Rebecca was in attendance at the convention and she approached me while Becky was at my side and said "Hey Jon! How are you?! It's good to see you! We need to get together so I could cook you dinner again!!" um... AWKWARD! LOL

Anyway, that night Becky and I had dinner with her parents in Citrus Heights and I finally got the courage up to tell her... "I Love You" and it's only been truer ever since!

Oh Mom!

It didn't matter how many times I had heard the story before, I always wanted you to tell it one more time! You were driving the family home from a day of water skiing on the lake. Everyone was a sleep in the car except for Kuya Josh and he must have been just a few years old at the time. He was eagerly sitting in the front seat just watching the road as you captained the journey home. Slyly you reached your hand around the opposite side of his head (this was long before seat belt laws) and you with all the stealth of a ninja would ever so gently tickle his right ear. Quickly he would jerk his head around to find who the culprit was! He glared at each of his siblings because he knew, he just KNEW that ONE of them was pretending to be asleep! Their ruse was so complete that he/she might even be faking the snoring and drool! Mom you almost made it home as you turned down Orleans drive you couldn't contain yourself any longer and you burst out in laughter of course waking everyone up in the car, the jig was up!

Oh Mom! Kuya Josh must have exclaimed! At that point you probably parked the car and lovingly pinched his ears and bear hugged him just like I've seen each and every one of my siblings do to their own children. Oh how I wish I could have one of those bear hugs from you right now. Long pause... I love you so much...

Mom I try so hard to love my kids the way you loved us. You were always the perfect example of unconditional love. There are so many "Oh Mom!" memories racing through my head of all the times you played with us, met our physical needs, you prayed for us, you took care of us and spoke highly of us even when we weren't around. You prayed faithfully for each of us each day and each night that we would get to know the savior intimately... like you did/like you do. Oh Mom, I miss you so much.

Alas... You are gone. You left us 3 years ago and now you are in a place of perfect peace, where there is no more suffering and only tears of joy. Thanks for being the best mom in the world!

Your Loving Son,

Jonathan

Blue?

I wonder if "Blue" is a fair description of how I've felt over the last couple of weeks. I wrestle internally with my system of beliefs and have found the struggle between my internal locus of control and my unconditional faith in a Sovereign God rages on. This is perhaps life's greatest dichotomies. I believe with my whole heart that God reigns supreme and rules with a tender and compassionate father's heart. I believe also with all of my cognitive being that I have been empowered to accomplish great things in this world, in this life we have been given to live. I believe that we indeed need to LIVE and not simply exist.

It amuses me still how just a few dollars in my pocket (or not) changes my disposition and my physical demeanor.

Powerless and yet so powerful! Who am I?