Shelly Howard's Memorial

On behalf of Shelly's family I would like to thank you for coming to help celebrate Shelly' life. It's not a mistake to use the word "Celebration" even though this is clearly a sad time. I want to give you permission to smile again and to laugh and to rejoice. Today you're going to hear some stories that will certainly stir your emotions and I say let them be stirred. If you knew Shelly at all, you knew that she was a passionate woman. She was a lover AND a fighter! Right Anthony? Today our purpose is to honor Shelly with our laughter as well as our tears.
In 2 Sam 12 David wrestles with the death of his son. For 7 days he wouldn't eat or sleep .. he probably didn't even change his clothes! He PLEADED with God not to take his son... but on the 7th day, he died. David's servants were all freaking out wondering what the king was going to do when he heard that his son was finally dead. David got up, washed up and worshipped God, then he ate. He explained to his servants that he didn't know what was going to happen while his son was alive but now he does know... the son was NOT going to return to him, he was going to go to his son. Now this is just a narrative about an imperfect man. This is not a prescription for our behavior necessarily but maybe a good model. It seems that David had a GREAT understanding of God. So today we are going to celebrate, we are going to worship, and we are going to eat! Let me invite David Shaffer up and lead us in worship!

Music
Today is a day to remember Shelly and the awesome woman that she was and our purpose for being here today is to honor her. I believe the best way to honor her would be us to reflect on our own lives and the significance we each personally strive for. In honor of her I would like for all of us for the next few moments to reflect on our own lives and on our own hearts. Some observations about the Human Heart -We describe a person without compassion as "heartless" and we urge him to "have a heart"
our deepest hurts we call "heartaches"
Jilted lovers are "brokenhearted"
Courageous soldiers are "bravehearted"
Saints have "hearts of gold" If we need to speak at the most intimate level, we ask for a "heart to heart" talk.
"lighthearted" is how we feel on vacation at the beach.
And when we love someone as truly as we may, we love "with all our heart"
But when we lose our passion for life, when a deadness sets in which we cannot seem to shake, we confess, "my heart's just not in it" Sometimes the heart in your chest speeds up. Like when you exercise, your heart rate goes to 120 beats per minute, you start burning fat, your body releases endorphins, your blood vessels expand and your body is full of life. This also happens when you fall in love... like on the 4th of July about 20 years ago... when Anthony met Shelly and he KNEW within minutes... this one is different! When your heart is pumpin, you can feel EVERYTHING and it's GREAT!
Now sometimes your heart slows down... in life there are lots of things that are downers... it starts when you're a kid... when other kids say mean things like "you're fat!" or "why do you have so many freckles?"... It get's worse... when you go through that first break up or you lose a job or your investments fail or you can't pay the electricity bill yada yada, I'm sure you can fill in the blanks here. Sometimes it gets so bad that you want to numb your heart... to slow your heart down to the point where you don't feel anything.
Shelly's physical heart grew weak and quit beating a couple weeks ago but her spiritual heart... it was huge! It was the size of a giraffe heart! It kept beating strongly all throughout her sickness! She discovered she had cancer shortly after Shelby was born almost 4 years ago and through the ups and downs of treatment and sickness and health she opened her children's eyes to see the faithfulness of God.
My question for you today is "what is the state of your heart"? Physically you could probably stand to exercise more and maybe eat more vegetables but you are completely missing the point if you think that's all I'm talking about here. Shelly knew with her whole heart that she was about to meet God face to face and she did it with grace and confidence! She knew Jesus personally and intimately and she knew Him as her savior.
Why was she a woman of grace and dignity? Because of her relationship with JesusWhy are her children beautiful and sweet? Because of her relationship with JesusWhy was she confident in her last days? Because of her relationship with Jesus
The true source of vitality in ones heart is Jesus. Jesus 2000 years ago invaded history and took the wickedness of the world upon himself. He took the sin of the world upon himself. He paid the penalty of sin with His life and He conquered death so that death for us is no longer death but a transition into eternal life with God.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you have the same confidence that Shelly did? Like it or not your body is going to experience the same fate. The question is what is going to happen to your soul? Do you know in your heart of hearts what the status is of your spirit is? Do you want to know this Jesus that I've been talking about? He wants to know you! He wants to have a relationship that is personal and intimate with you and he wants to begin right now. Are you ready?

My Heart Hurts!

OH GOD MY HEART HURTS!

I met a young woman about 14 years ago... and she's leaving. Her name is Shelly and she is the reason my heart hurts so badly right now! When we met she was so full of life and so ready to tackle all of life's challenges. Her husband was a drunk but she loved him anyway. Her friends all told her she should leave him but I was opposed cuz I saw in her that she still loved him and wanted to make it work. One day, all of a sudden, he wasn't drunk anymore and although life wasn't instantly all roses... the journey started along the right path... again. You see God had a track record of faithfullness even when times were tough. When I met Anthony I could see why Shelly loved him, he was a good man. If you know me you know that I don't believe any man is good, by nature, but this man Anthony was good because he realized that God loved him and had a plan for his life... and along they went.

Chapter 2

Little Taylor was born! How did that happen? (of course we all know) but really... How !!!? The medical staff gave up all except that wonderful nurse who kicked everyone out of the hospital room where Shelly was with her incompetent cervix and all. That nurse said "if you believe in God you better start prayin!" Pray we did... and again all of a sudden, Taylor is 11 years old and just a beautiful reflection of your mother.

Chapters 3,4,5, and 6

Sydney, Anthony, Jaden, and Shelby... children 2 through 5. So much for struggling to get pregnant!

Now what? Breast Cancer? F(bleep) YOU! Shelly beat you once... no twice! Yeah yeah, life happens... ups and downs, houses and jobs, dogs and electricity bills and yada yada. It's all good though right? A beautiful family and friends who truly care... Shelly why are you leaving? Just a couple weeks ago we were all hanging out having hawaiian bbq remember? WTF!

I believe in God, I believe His Word. I believe death is just a transition into life eternal... But it still hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts.

Devotion for the Wyld Life Leaders at Woodleaf Winter Camp Feb 2009

Thanks for being Jesus to the kids you have brought.  I want to recognize all the work you have done thus far and for your continued work.  All the contact work, the going to pizza or bowling , answering the phone when you don't feel like it etc. etc.!

I'd like to hear from some of you High School leaders, why are you hear?  

Answers - 

Because when I was a kid some people did the same for me.

Because I want to share the love of Jesus.

Because I want to help kids.

All of these answers are GREAT.  I'm sure we could all agree that the reason we bring kids to camp, the reason we do contact work, pray for kids, listen to them, play games with them... is to get them saved.  Right? That is to say that we are interested in sharing with them the Gospel, the Good News, that Jesus lived a vicarious expiatory life and died a substitutionary death for the propitiation of our sins right? LOL  Let's maybe look at salvation from a different perspective, not so much from the theological but from the practical.   Salvation is knowing God.  I'm reading a book by A. W. Tozer called "The Pursuit of God"  The 4th chapter "Apprehending God"  starts out talking about the inferential character of the average man's faith in God.  God is an inference.  You see Tozer suggests that most people don't know God personally but rather the view God as simply a principle or an ideal, another name for goodness, truth or beauty.  The scripture on the other hand insists that God is to be known personally and apprehended just as the person sitting next to you can be known.  God is just as real or more than the chair or table, He is a person that wants to be known.  Salvation is moving God from being a Principle to a Principal.  Nod your head if you are with me!  

We have been given faculties to apprehend our surroundings.  We have our 5 sense, hearing, taste, touch, smell, and feel.... excerpt from "The Pursuit of God"

The Bible assumes as a self-evident fact that men can know God with at least the same degree of immediacy as they know any other person or thing that comes within the field of their experience. The same terms are used to express the knowledge of God as are used to express knowledge of physical things. "O taste and see that the Lord is good." "All thy garments smell Of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces." "My sheep hear my voice." "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." These are but four of countless such passages from the Word of God. And more important than any proof text is the fact that the whole import of the Scripture is toward this belief.

Now I'm not saying that you're going to take a bite out of God necessarily but you have been given spiritual faculties to apprehend God and these need to be developed and then taught to your kids.  So how do you get there?  How do you convey to a non-believing set of Wyld Life kids that Jesus is worth trying to know?  Here's a far fetched example.  Let's just say for instance that you have never tasted chocolate ice cream.  How would I try to get you to fall in love with chocolate ice cream?  Would I get a carton of chocolate ice cream and read to you the ingredients?  Would I tell you how sugar is metabolized by your brain and therefore you will love it? OR  would I simply get a spoon out of the kitchen drawer, open the carton of ice cream and slowly scoop from around the edge of the carton and let you see the creamy smooth delectable confection curl up on the spoon... then place it on my tongue and let you see the expression on my face that reflects delight.  Yeah baby... thats how you do it.  

Let me tell you a story about 2 men.  These men are diamond salesmen.  They import diamonds from Israel and they sell them wholesale to jewelry stores like in the mall and such.  Now one of the men is young and full of knowledge.  He knows diamonds and the diamond industry inside and out.  He knows and could tell you about the 4 c's Color Cut Clarity and Weight (carats). He knows everything there is to know about diamonds.  Well one day he takes a diamond into a store and tries to sell it to the shop keeper.  After about an hour he comes out without having sold the diamond.  He gives the diamond to the older guy to give it a try.  The old guy goes in to the shop and an hour later he has a sale.  The young guy is flabbergasted and says "I know everything there is to know about diamonds.  I know the history of diamonds, I know the future of diamonds!  I've been to Israel and have seen where they are cut into perfection. How is it that you were able to sell the diamond?  

The older gentleman replied "You do indeed know everything there is to know about diamonds but... I LOVE THEM.  I think they are beautiful.  I love the way they make me feel."

You see you don't need to tell your kids that Jesus is worth getting to know, you need to BE Jesus to them.  Continue loving kids unconditionally and caring for them as you have been.  Keep loving them for who they are and where they are.  Don't worry about getting them "saved" per se but rather teach them who Jesus is, let them get to know who Jesus is, by being Jesus to them.

Thanks again for all your work!  Keep it up!

The Meeting of Ends

Originally posted December 23, 2008

Chapter 1- Forever More
I'm yearning and learning 
I'm wound so tightly I feel like i could spin forever 
and I don't eve know what "Forever" means!
I'm growing and flowing and what drives me is THRILL
I should probably care more about tomorrow but for now, I have now... Today... right Now
I could go here or there or wherever and hangout with friends
I don't much care about the meeting of ends.

Chapter 2 - Forever Comes
My hands are calloused and dry
and my belly is evidence of too many a pie
when I get up in the morning my bones creek
and I could hardly see past the end of my nose
The once lonely yawns are accompanied by groans and moans
Yesterday I thought about tomorrow ... what happens next, where will I go
Who will she be? What will we do?

Today, it seems Tomorrow (if I could get there without being there), is about Yesterday
You see somehow doing, planning, going
becomes Lamenting
and Rejoicing... 
which are the SAME thing.
Remembering... Oh the good old days... 
The Good Times and the Bad... were All Good

Come With Me to Africa

Originally posted June 6, 2008

Why is it that when we think of missionaries we think of "older" people that are "really nice" and "are doing neat things for God." (yay God!) We might imagine them as having couple of very quiet, obedient, and smart children (at least when they are young).  These same children will most assuredly be the wildest teenagers of the youth group that will eventually leave the Church and live their lives in a non traditional yet politically correct manner. Of course we won't talk much about their kids... except with my close close friends that can be discreet.  In a moment of honesty we would have to admit that if that same missionary couple lived in our city we wouldn't necessarily run in the same social circles.  What I mean is I wouldn't invite "Missionary Mike" to my house on Friday night for pizza, beer, and poker.  I would, however, happily bring him and his family the box of "hand me downs" that we couldn't sell at the garage sale because they might be home on furlough (from the deepest regions of Africa) and don't have a lot of money for the luxuries of life like clothes or furniture. It's cool though because they are used to living in houses with dirt floors so anything they get to use here will certainly be considered an "upgrade." When Missionary Mike and his wife Theresa (mother to the children) speak at the annual missions conference at church... well, let's face it, they are probably gonna be boring as anything!  I'll probably find any excuse I can to go to Carl's Jr. during second service so I don't have to sit through the entire presentation on how by the year 2020 there will be more Christians in Africa then there will be people.  I mean it in the nicest possible way but... THANK GOD I'm not called to be a missionary!

errr wait...         

Well here I am 40 years old and I suppose it might be fair to describe what I've been going through lately as a "mid life crisis."  A mid-life crisis is stereo typically going out and getting a sports car or a girlfriend.  (I haven't done either one by the way)  Really what happens is a man realizes intimately that he is not going to live forever and asks the question "Why am I not doing the things that I WANT to do"  For me it was the realization that I don't want to go through the rest of my life building, fixing, looking for, or selling widgets. 

I've been wrestling with the question "What REALLY matters?"  The answer is somewhat of a moving target.  I know this... Becky and I LOVE people and between us have many spiritual gifts that, frankly, we aren't using.  Well it's time. 

My wife Becky and I have decided to become missionaries.  No we aren't going to go to Africa, in fact, we are not even going to be leaving Roseville, the city we live in.  We are going on staff with Young Life in the South Placer County Area.

  Young Life brings the good news of Jesus Christ into the lives of adolescents with an approach that is respectful of who kids are and hopeful about who they can be.

Specifically, we are going to be working with the high schools in the Roseville Joint Union School District. Becky and I are right now helping to start an all city Young Life Club that would include students from serveral of the high schools in the area.  Last year I started my coaching career as a volunteer on the freshman football squad at Woodcreek High School and hopefully coaching will serve as a springboard for the "Contact Work" that is such a huge part of the Young Life Model.  Becky and I want to model Christ incarnationally to these kids that we believe deserve hearing about Him. 

Funeral Sermon for My Kuya

Originally posted May 11, 2008

This is the message I gave at my brother Josias Jose (December 1952- May 2008)

 On behalf of the family I would like to thank you for coming to help celebrate Josias' life.  

Matthew 10:29-31 where Jesus said:

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Interestingly, Josias is the name sake of one of the good kings of Israel Josiah.  Josiah the son of Amon became king at the young age of 8.   Now Kuya wasn't king of a nation but we siblings looked up to him with a similar respect. Kuya (my kuya) was 15 years my senior and he wasn't around a lot when i was growing up I was probably 3 or 4 when he moved out of the house.  So when I did get to see him it was always special.  He often gave me gifts or treats and out of the five of my brothers, he was definitely my favorite brother.  He is in some of my earliest memories as a kid.  I can remember when My mom was pregnant with JT our youngest brother (I had to be 4) and Kuya asking me if I wanted the baby in moms stomach to be a boy or a girl... I said "boy"... I was right!  I remember one time talking with him in the kitchen as he was cooking crab.  He gave me a piece and told me I could eat the meat inside the shell.  I asked him where the meat came from... do the crabs eat meat?  He said in a familiar yet profound manner "just eat it"

When I was a boy, I loved going to LA to visit him cuz he always was first to have the coolest things...

The coolest audio gear

the latest Photograpy equipment 

He had Intellivision when most people had an atari.

He had a Karaoke machine before karaoke anyone knew what karaoke was.

Recently JT was regaling me of a meal that Kuya prepared not too long ago.  He made a salmon skin salad and a sumptuous prime rib that was mouthwatering and delicious. When it came to food you see he was a man of passion.  If you've ever had the good fortune of sitting down to a meal he had prepared you knew that for sure.  We often talked about the various foods I might enjoy like Korean BBQ or the different types of tacos I should try if at an "Authentic" mexican taco stand.  If there is a lesson we might learn from Kuya's life, it is ENJOY LIFE NOW!  Of course this lesson I learned from his love of food is the same lesson that could be applied to all of life, If something is worth doing, it is worth doing well!  He could do anything he put his mind to from building kitchen cabinets to fashioning brackets on his motorcycle.  He was one the smartest guys you might ever meet.  He always seemed to have answers to lifes questions.  As you've already heard from my brothers and sisters, he was wise beyond his years and a father figure to all of us siblings.  He was passionate man and also a compassionate man.

I remember 6 years ago shortly after his last heart attack, we were in the hospital he was sitting up in his bed.  He tearfully said to me that I need to take care of myself so that I wouldn't have go through what he did.  He was always looking out for me, for us.  He was a compassionate man.  You see, physically, he had a weak heart and ultimately his weak heart was the end of him. Today I'm thankful that Kuya is in a better place with Mom and Tay in heaven. 

Today is a day to remember Josias and the awesome man that he was and our purpose for being here today is to honor him.  I believe the best way to honor him would be us to reflect on our own lives and the significance we each personally strive for.  In honor of him I would like for all of us for the next few moments to reflect on our own lives and on our own hearts.

Some observations about the Human Heart -

We describe a person without compassion as "heartless" and we urge him to "have a heart"  

our deepest hurts we call "heartaches"  

Jilted lovers are "brokenhearted"  

Courageous soldiers are "bravehearted"  

The truly evil are "black-hearted" 

and saints have "hearts of gold"  

If we need to speak at the most intimate level, we ask for a "heart to heart" talk.  

"lighthearted" is how we feel on vacation .  

And when we love someone as truly as we may, we love "with all our heart"   

But when we lose our passion for life, when a deadness sets in which we cannot seem to shake, we confess, "my heart's just not in it"

It has been said that there are 2 things that can pierce the human heart.  The first is BEAUTY.   When we are young, we believe that everything is beautiful.  Life is great and God is good.  Recently my daughter Annie wanted to learn to ride a bicycle.  I took the training wheels off of her bike because I agreed she was ready and off we went.  I ran beside her holding her up and before we knew it, she was riding by herself.  As she realized that she was doing it all by herself, she let out the most gleeful giggle.  It was the MOST concentrated pure unadulterated joy ever expressed.  I swear if you could just bottle the joy that she and I were both feeling, you could solve all of the worlds problems with getting along with eachother.

Sigh, I wish that the world only had beauty to offer but alas it doesn't.

The second thing that could pierce the human heart is AFFLICTION.  This is a certainty that we all know.  The arrows of Affliction come in all sorts of forms.  Sometimes they are little insults when we are children like "your ears are too big"  or "You are STUPID".   Some arrows are bigger like "losing a job" or "a failed business venture" or maybe a broken relationship.  Sometimes these arrows come fast and often and in order to provide ourselves respit we go search for significance bars and bottles. Maybe the biggest and worst arrow is the arrow we shoot into our own hearts and that is the disbelief in God.  We find ourselves shooting this arrow so as to kill the heart so that we don't have to feel anymore pain from all the previous afflictions.  The problem is that the arrows of affliction accumulate over time and when there is so much affliction without any healing, you lose heart and frankly life isn't worth living.

My question for you today is "what is the state of your heart"?   Here's the deal, I'm not even going to set up the joke, I'm just gonna give you the punch line.  The true source of Beauty in this life is Jesus.  Jesus can heal the afflictions you've experienced, he can remove the arrows that have pierced your heart and he could give you the significance your heart truly desires.  I'm suggesting that the compassion that Kuya displayed to me years ago is from the wellspring of compassion that only Jesus can bring.  Jesus wants for us to care for each other and for ourselves.

Each of us has a circle of influence.  There are a handful of people that are around us that we care for deeply.  Our spouses, brothers and sisters, friends.  I'm suggesting that you would honor the memory of my brother and honor Jesus by loving those that are close to you.  You can do this by performing spiritual open heart surgery.  Become an invasive instrument, get inside the chest of the person or people that you love... and help discover those long forgotten arrows of affliction and invite Jesus to heal them and restore you to a life of passion and compassion.

God Breaks Hearts

Originally posted November 1, 2007

The question begins... (and ends) Am I committed to God such that I don't care what happens to me as long as God fulfills His purpose of Redemption of the world?

Oswald Chambers put it best in Today's reading

The first thing God does with us is to get us based on rugged Reality until we do not care what becomes of us individually as long as He gets His way for the purpose of His Redemption. Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - "Enter into fellowship with Me; arise and shine." If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart.