Blue?

I wonder if "Blue" is a fair description of how I've felt over the last couple of weeks. I wrestle internally with my system of beliefs and have found the struggle between my internal locus of control and my unconditional faith in a Sovereign God rages on. This is perhaps life's greatest dichotomies. I believe with my whole heart that God reigns supreme and rules with a tender and compassionate father's heart. I believe also with all of my cognitive being that I have been empowered to accomplish great things in this world, in this life we have been given to live. I believe that we indeed need to LIVE and not simply exist.

It amuses me still how just a few dollars in my pocket (or not) changes my disposition and my physical demeanor.

Powerless and yet so powerful! Who am I?